Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Living on Faith and Hope and Prayers

Last week I announced our pregnancy via Instagram and Facebook. 

I wasn't ready to but I knew I needed to. I'm not really ready to write about it here, but I know I should. I know that if I don't just do it, I never will. 

In a few days I'll be 14 weeks and the 'scariest' part of pregnancy should be over. 

My entire life I just assumed I'd have 3 kids. I didn't really give any other number an option. I honestly don't know why but that's just what I've always thought. Even during Breckie's pregnancy I kept thinking I only have do to this one more time to get me through the especially hard times. 

A few months after she was born I was willing to start trying again just to get all of my kids here and the pregnancies over with and move on with my life. 

Getting to this point, 13 weeks pregnant with our third child, has been the most emotionally trying time in my entire life. I don't even know what to say or how to explain it, but I've been on the most extreme roller coaster of emotion for over the last two years. 

Of course I am SUPER happy to actually have conceived, but being pregnant (for me) is the worst. My "postpartum" depression comes while I am pregnant. I'm usually fine after delivery… it's just the entire time I'm baking the baby I am down in the dumps. 

And to make this the worst pregnancy in my history, I have literally been sick since two days BEFORE I took the pregnancy test. I'm being completely serious. I didn't even know it was possible to be sick so early, but believe me, it is and it's the worst thing ever. 

I have been SO sick for the last 2 1/2 months. So sick that I actually wished that it would all just go away... up until about 11 weeks. Jake and my Dad were both pretty disappointed in me when I told them that, but I have never been so sick and so depressed and so discouraged in my life. 

Being almost a third of the way through, I can barely see the light at the end of the tunnel. Barely, but it's better than before. I'm still sick and depressed but I know it will be over in 6 months. That's the only thing I have to hold onto. That, and the priesthood blessings Jake has given me. They have been beautiful blessings and have left us both in tears. 

Every time I have an appointment or an ultrasound I'm terrified there won't be a heartbeat, but I'm trying to have faith that everything will work out how it's supposed to. I was really disconnected to our last pregnancy and it ended in a miscarriage which has really messed me up. I just don't know how or what to feel this time. I'm afraid I'll feel like this until we're holding a living, breathing baby.

I hope this is the biggest trial of faith I'll have to endure. All I know it that this baby has to make it because I don't have anything left to give. This is our last chance.

Monday, November 16, 2015

Kid Logic

I can't remember if I wrote this down or not, but Everett is under the impression that he is going to marry Breckie. Not like a "I want to grow up and marry Breckie" kind-of fantasy… he honestly just thinks that that's how it's supposed to be. 

Which I think is cute, but it makes me wonder how he figures it will work out for all of his other friends that have more than one sibling??!

The other day he told me that he didn't want me and Jake to die because then it would just be him and Breckie. I told him that we won't die for a long time :) It's cute how little kids think. 

We bought the movie Inside Out last week and we've watched it approximately 17 times since then. He assumes that Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust, and Anger live in his head too… just like everyone else :) I have LOVED watching him figure things out and my favorite is when he said "so the guys in Dad's head are happy when he sends me to timeout." 

I had a good laugh :) 

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Everett's Super Power

 Everett's school had a fundraiser. I feel kind-of bad that I didn't totally understand or participate until it was too late…

We were supposed to get pledges from people and for every lap Everett ran, they would donate a certain amount of money. Well, Everett ran 46 laps!!! He told me it was the most out of his class. I was SUPER shocked. They weren't the regular 4 laps ='s a mile… I think it was 16 laps was a mile. 

The ironic thing was that I was going to send a note with him to school that day saying that he might not run very many laps… he totally shocked me!

I remember always being the most athletic girl in my grade, starting in elementary school, but there were only 20 other girls my age. 

Maybe Everett has a secret talent that we didn't know about! And next year we'll definitely get pledges and turn those laps into donations!

Friday, November 13, 2015


There is a special corner of Breckie's heart that is reserved only for stuffed animals. She loves them! We had a tea party for them this week… and then she carried one wrapped around her neck for half of the day. One very lucky animal gets to sleep in her bed at night. I have a feeling we're going to have a lot of stuffed friends around here :)

Thursday, November 12, 2015

From Last Month

I didn't want to forget about this picture :)

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

She's Happiness

To further prove that Breckie is happiness… here are some picture of Breckie (back in August) with a nurf gun  :)

And then this one, just because it's awesome!

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Baking With Breckie. Treats & Dreams.

Breckie and I made pumpkin roll from the farm pumpkins Everett and I brought home from his field trip. 

Breckie is the sweetest little person. She is hope and happiness. She is polite, smart, caring, strong, wild, daring, and such a HUGH blessing to our lives. Life would be empty without her. Spending time with her while Everett is at school is such a treat!

So we decided to make a treat… and since Everett lost interest ages ago, we decided to do it without him :)

She cracked all of the eggs and dumped them in:

I feel like she could have her own cooking show… because who looks this good scraping pumpkin out of a measuring cup??

I think her favorite part was turning on the mixer :)

And when she was done helping she found something else to do… because that's what Breckie does. She finds a way to entertain herself. She's every mothers dream. 

She's most definitely my dream :)

Monday, November 9, 2015

Kindergarten Farm Trip

Last week Everett's kindergarten class + 9 other kindergarten classes from his school took a field trip to Vertuccio's Farm. 5 chaperones from each class were able to go and I was one of the lucky 5.

Everett was so excited to go on the field trip and kept talking about how excited he was to finally ride a school bus. LOL, well his school is a charter school so they don't actually have busses. They rented tour busses so his idea of a school bus is pretty skewed!

Since I was a chaperone Everett got to pick one friend that he for sure wanted in his group… so he picked Rhett, of course. We also had Will and Eric in our group. 

They separated the entire group into two groups of 5 classes each. Luckily we were the group that got to play on the farm toys first. The boys chose the slide first. 


Hay maze:

Milking the cow:

Riding the cow train:

They raced duckies and each of us got to pick out our own pie pumpkin. 

We also got to tour the farm, which was really cool. They grow all of the ingredients to make a pizza and their farm is in the shape of a pizza with each "slice" a different ingredient. Wheat, tomatoes, herbs, chickens, cow, pigs. Pretty cool. 

We each got two pieces of cheese pizza and chips for lunch and then headed home. It was fun and the weather was beyond perfect. This time of the year reminds me of growing up in Colorado. Cold mornings, sunshine, warm afternoons. It's perfect. 

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Christmas Wish

Two toy catalogues came in the mail the other day. 

These two looked through these catalogues for almost an hour circling things they wish to get. Jake and I remember doing this as kids. For me it was the JC Penny catalogue and I circled clothes and for Jake it was the Sears catalogue. 

Everett circled the entire page with Legos on it. They both really want the movie Home. We've rented it from the Redbox twice but aparentlly they want to have it for keeps. Breckie doesn't know what she wants. She's so easy. She'll play with anything.

Haha, and the higher you pull up your shorts, the higher your name gets on Santa's good list :)

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Breckie & Rad

The romance begins...

These two are best friends. They're always asking to play with each other and asking where the other one is. One day Rad and Beck came over for a few hours. There was lots of snuggling on the porch swing :)

They play together so well. 

In fact, Rad would get in that pink car, say "bye, I go work. Wuv you" and Breckie would wave bye and give him a kiss. 3 seconds later Rad would get out and say, "Honey, I home" and give her a hug. (Repeat 7 times)

They're such cute friends, I love it!! Hopefully they stay friends of a long time.