Have you ever felt that you REALLY deserved something but didn't get it? Or have you ever felt that you have something but you don't deserve it?
For me... yes, and yes. And this post is about a (good) thing that I have but don't deserve.
A friend of mine has a really cute blog (infertility-spoiled eggs) and about 15 months ago she had a guest blogger write about motherhood. Everett was just shy of turning 6 months old... which is why I didn't understand the guest blogger's "secret" to motherhood: So that's that. To be a mom, you've got to have a good friend and you've got to be a good friend. Your husband will thank you. Your kids will thank you! Your sanity will be in check and your life will be better. That is all.. Honestly, I felt that having friends had nothing to do with being a mother.
Now I know better.
She is right. 100% right. If I made a survival guide to motherhood, having friends would be in the top 10... if not top 5... on the list of essentials.
This past week was really tough and a girls night couldn't have been at a better time. I thought about not going because Jake had surprise-rented me a movie that I've really been wanting to see. But I went to girls night instead, and I'm so glad I went. Girls night is like a fun (and hilarious) therapy session. I always come home feeling so much better about life and about myself.
I'm a very lucky person. I have a lot of really, really great friends... but I don't deserve them. At all.
I sort-of grew up in my sister's shadow. It was my choice. We are only 15 months apart and I tagged along wherever she went and hung out with whomever she hung out with. It's like I always had built-in friends because my sister's friends were always nice to me... so I considered them my friends too. I never had to go out and find friends.... or even be a good friend in return. As long as my sister had friends, I had friends too.
Then my sister graduated... and so did my friends.
In a small town, where friendships (and circles of friends) were created in kindergarten, it was hard to fit in or make 'new' friends.... so I had boyfriends instead. Every mother's dream, right? And any girl who went to high school knows how mean girls can be to each other... so basically I've never had to be a good friend because I never had any.... because I never made any or made the effort to make any. I've always been shy and I almost always wait for people to talk to me... I hardly ever strike up a conversation. I never have parties, host playdates, or invite friends over. It's just not in my comfort zone.
But I'm just making excuses. Anybody can change at anytime.
My friends are saints. They are always inviting me to their parties and playdates and baking me surprise giant-cupcake-birthday-cakes on my birthday. They even forgive me when I miss their birthdays and baby showers. I think they know that I need them. Actually, I know that they know I need them. I'd be a hot mess without them.
Although I may not deserve them, I am so grateful for them. I'm so glad they put up with me because they make my life so much better and they make me feel like SUCH a better mom than I think I am. They are my sanity and motherhood wouldn't be the same without them.
For me, friends are essential when it comes to motherhood. Now I need to work on the rest... and you've got to be a good friend.