Tuesday, November 6, 2012

For Over A Year

I am going through one of those times in my life when I just don't know what to do with myself. 

My mom used to quote Eleanor Roosevelt when she'd say, "No one can make you feel inferior without your own consent." ( I think she got it off of Princess Diaries!) While it's a nice quote, and I've heard several others like it, I have to disagree a little. 

I understand that no one can FORCE me to feel a certain way but it's really hard not to feel certain emotions in specific situations.

Last week was so trying for me and I tried to keep it together and tell myself a million times that it wouldn't last forever... but by yesterday afternoon I just sat outside and cried. I have such a good, blessed life but sometimes my trials are just as great as my blessing. 

It's obvious that there is something going on in Everett's little mind that I just can't figure out and it really makes me feel horrible. I get so frustrated on a daily basis that he refuses to communicate with words. He just makes a grunt/squeaking noise that seriously sounds exactly like a newborn puppy when it's hungry. I'm not being funny, I'm being serious and I feel like I can't handle another day. But then I wake up and do it all again and again. He's been this way for over a year and I'm starting to crack big time. I'm stretched so thin by the end of the day... sometimes I just lay on my bed and hide once Jake gets home. It's so exhausting. 

I'm having him tested again through the school district and hopefully I will get a referral for a speech therapist. He'll be able to go to a special preschool where they focus on speech therapy once he turns 3... but because he turns 3 at the very end of the school year, he'll have to wait until August but I'm not sure I can wait until then for him to start getting professional help. 

I know that it isn't unheard of for a child (especially a boy) to talk late, but he isn't even making a little effort and he isn't making any progress... at all. Perhaps I should keep being patient but imagine being squeaked at all day long and making guess after guess as to what your child wants. It's the most frustrating thing I've ever experienced. 

There are millions of parents out there that have more difficult situations than I do and I honestly don't know how they hold themselves together. I'm falling to pieces... but I better get it together in the next 4 months. This is the only time I've been so grateful that pregnancy takes so long!


  1. If it is consoling at all, I completely feel for you. I know that would be horribly difficult to deal with, and I can't even imagine the kind of stress it would cause. I really just pray one day he comes out speaking full sentences for you :) I wish I could say something spectacular to make it all better... but I don't blame you one bit for hiding in bed. I do that just from the stress of three fully talking, screaming, sentence yelling kiddos every. single. day. Being a Mom is hard. Being a Mom with unusual challenges... well, that takes the cake for sure. Hang in there!

  2. Love ya girl. I'm glad that Ev has such a wonderful Mommy who loves him to pieces to help him along. I was just talking to my Mom today about why some of the greatest people we know are dealt some of the most difficult challenges. Her Dad says that's because Heavenly Father knows valiant people like you can handle them. Sometimes for me the only hope is reminding myself that my prayers WILL be answered. All in good time. Hang in there mama...you can do it!