Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Experiencing Part 5

I think I'm experiencing pregnancy depression part 5


Three weeks ago the Dr. said that he'd strip my membranes at 38 weeks. I've been counting down the days... like a child counts and re-counts money.... as if they were gold. 

I can't even tell you how many times I have googled phrases like:
"chances of going into labor after stripping membranes"
"do you go into labor faster/sooner with the second pregnancy"
etc

I carry ALL of my weight in my stomach and chest. I always have and assume always will. So all 27 pounds that I've gained is right in front and it is making my life miserable. Not only that, but because I carry straight out front, it puts a lot of pressure on my back and hips and I feel like I have twice as much pain as the first pregnancy. I've been so big for so long that I just want this baby to come out. And I can't even begin to explain some of the looks and comments I get. I'll admit, I look like I'm carrying 8 pound twins... but still, do people really need to say "Oh my gosh did you SEE HER?!" as soon as they walk past me?

So I assumed something great would happen today. Because I was ready for it. 

Nothing. 

No change at all from last week. 80% effaced and dilated to a 1+. Does a 1+ even count?!

Dr. said my chances of going into labor are 20% or less. I almost cried but knew there was no point. Technically I still have two weeks until I'm even due. The med student said that your second pregnancy is usually just as long as your first and I wanted to tell her No. No it's not.  But it probably will be. 

I came home and experienced (for the first time in my life) emotional eating. Or at least the desire to. All I wanted was a can of frosting and a spoon. 

I seriously feel like I've been pregnant for years. That picture up top is from our 6 year anniversary glider ride. I was pregnant then... that's actually when I surprise-told Jake when we hiked back to the waterfall later that day. He had no idea. 

I was also pregnant waaaay back during this race. 


I can only dream of running that far and fitting into those clothes again in my deepest-sleep-dreams. 

Right now I wear tent-shirts and yoga pants and I get short of breath sitting on the couch!

I know that some day life will resemble something I'd like to call "normal" but for now I'm going to wallow in self pity for one more night. Possibly two or three. But most likely every day until I can bend over and tie my shoes again. 

2 comments:

  1. It's really horrible when your doctor tells you things that can get you all excited and nothing happens. They should know better. With my second I spent every day of the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy either at the doctors office doing tests or at the hospital doing tests(preclampsia). Every day it was the same stupid thing, lets see how these tests go, and if they turn out bad, we'll admit you. And then they would admit me, and then they would send me home. Every stupid day they made me think/hope I'd be out of my misery. And every stupid day I was let down. I was in a lot of pain, since I have such bad hip problems anyway, and I was still throwing up everyday up until the day I had Brooke. One of the hospital nurses told me as I was crying (literally) begging them to just let me stay in the hospital and get this demon baby out of me, That in a few years, it won't matter to me one bit if I have her that day or if I have her two weeks later. I really didn't want to her that at the time, but it did help me get a little perspective. That while it really really really sucks right now, in a couple of months it really wont matter to me anymore. And she was right, even if I didn't want her to be. Oh, and also, I had to have my membranes stripped twice and it still didn't help me. I was still induced, but luckily they induced me at 39 weeks. However, my labor start to finish was only 4 hours long, and I only pushed 3 times to get her out. So hopefully your little one comes out nice and easy for you. Good luck! Hopefully she comes soon too. :)

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  2. Sulk away, my friend. I totally feel for you. I must warn you, I had my membranes stripped with maddox and swore I'd NEVER do it again! It didn't put me into labor and was just horribly painful.... so grab that darn can of frosting, heck grab three of them, and just have some movie marathons for the next two weeks. I am SO SO SO anxious for you to have your little angel! I am also envious that you've only gained 27 pounds. I've passed 30.... with over a month to go :( I wear Lee's shirts, any of my sweats that actually fit over my fat bum, and I'm going through cadburry eggs like they are going to stop making them. You are going to be back running and feeling good before you know it, truly. And also, not being "favorable" doesn't mean much. I wasn't favorable with Zoe and my water just decided to break. Bam. at 6am. SO there is hope!!! She will randomly surprise you and you will get to snuggle and love her SOOO SOON!

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