We've survived our first week as a family of four.
If I could sum it up in one word for myself... it would be EMOTIONAL.
Monday was great. Brecklyn was born at 7:32 that morning and the nurses took great care of us.
My mom and Everett stopped by around 9:30 and every time "baby sister" was mentioned Everett would come over to me at pat my belly. I don't think he understood that "baby sister" was an actual person until they came back to visit us again that night.
And even then he didn't want to get too close.
My mom was amazing and brought me homemade pumpkin bread and a mango smoothie. And she took our first 'family of four' picture. I look like death because I still hadn't slept since I woke up Sunday morning at 2:30 am anticipating labor.
I slept a little that night while Jake hung out with Brecklyn but she ended up sleeping right next to me in the hospital bed for the rest of the night.
We came home Tuesday afternoon and Brecklyn brought her big brother a gift.
It was the most genius piece of advice we received because for three days he would excitedly tell us (in he own way) that baby sister gave him these cars and then would cross his arms and kind-of hug himself and say "ohhhhh" as if he were saying he loved baby sister.
We received gifts and cards from neighbors and coworkers...
... and Jake gave me a little gift and card. Lol.
Thursday morning Brecklyn had her first Dr. visit. In 3 days the poor little thing had lost an entire pound. She was 6 lbs 15 oz which put her in the 20th percentile. So we went home with some formula to supplement but I was still very determined that I was going to nurse her.
Everett has been itching his right ear for longer than I would like to admit. My mom thought it would be a good idea for the pediatrician to look in his ears at Brecklyn's appointment... and a double ear infection was discovered.
I am confident that I may not have been able to survive without my mom's help. She played with Everett, picked up the prescription for him, made us amazing food, and gave us the piece of mind that everything was okay at home while we were at the hospital. What would we do without moms!
Friday afternoon while Everett was napping I decided to finish writing Brecklyn's birth story and finally look at the pictures from the hospital. I sat at my computer and bawled my eyes out. I just sat here and sobbed. It was so emotional for me to re-live those moments. I was overcome with such emotion and love for my doctor and nurses. Nurse Kevin voluntarily grabbed our camera and started taking pictures and captured perhaps the most amazing day of my life and he did it as a friend. He wasn't even technically my nurse at that point as his shift had ended.
I cry every time I look at those pictures.
When Jake got home from work I was pretty exhausted. In every way. Since Brecklyn had been supplementing with formula I told Jake I was going to take some Unisom, sleep on the guest bed, and that I wasn't going to wake up until morning.
He had the worst night of his life... but I slept for the first time in days.
Saturday and Sunday my world came crashing down on me as I realized that we were going to have another formula baby. I don't know why, but not being able to effectively nurse my babies makes me feel like a total and complete failure in that department. I want what is best for my babies and with them it's formula so I shouldn't feel so bad... but it's still hard when breastfeeding is put on such a high pedestal and formula is pretty much frowned upon by so many.
So on Saturday I went to Target and picked up more bottles. On the way home I passed my doctor's office and was overcome with such great love for that man.
Saturday night I took Brecklyn and let Jake sleep on the guest bed. I literally slept for two hours all night while Brecklyn was a champ and slept great. My insomnia is going to kill me one way or another. I just laid in bed and re-played Brecklyn's birth over and over. It was such a memorable experience for me and I can't describe the amount of love I feel for everyone involved.
Sunday morning I couldn't stop crying. I was mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted from the week and I couldn't keep it together.
I was a mess.
I was still struggling with the breastfeeding issue and told Jake that I wanted him to tell me that it was okay I couldn't nurse her. I just needed some support in the other direction from breastfeeding.
Jake is always willing to support me in whatever I want to do but sometimes he just needs me to tell him what I want him to support. In the hospital I wasn't sure if I would be able to deliver naturally so he never supported me one way or another. He just kept quiet because he didn't even know what I wanted. That's why nurse Kevin was so amazing because he believed I could do it and he knew that's what I wanted even before I did.
So Jake and I sat on the couch Sunday morning while I sobbed about how I wish I could do natural things naturally. Like nurse my children and sleep at night. I want to be able to do those things without help.
While Jake and Everett were at church, Brecklyn and I sat at the desk and wrote Thank You letters to nurse Kevin and Dr. Watters. It was my attempt to let them know that they are the most amazing people ever and amazing at their jobs. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep at night now that they know how grateful I am for them.
Jake commented that I wasn't this emotional after Everett was born. I told him it was because I didn't feel it. Yes, he was born and I pushed him out and people were there to help... but I didn't FEEL it. With Brecklyn I was so closely connected to heaven in those moments and truly felt so much love for her and for the people around me. I'll never forget it.
Everett has never acted more rotten than he has this past weekend. Jake and I were about to die a few times when both of our kids were screaming. But I'm confident we'll survive!
So that was our first week as a family of four. Good, bad, ugly, but as beautiful as ever!