Sunday, June 2, 2013

Dear Journal... 10 Things

Today I was reminded how important it is to keep a journal. I have literally been keeping a journal since the 5th grade (no joke, like writing everyday) and about 4 years ago this blog replaced the journal... although I really miss the satisfaction of writing on every last blank page, picking out a new journal full of blank pages, and then filling them back up again with stories of my life. 

But this blog doesn't do any good as my journal if I don't write about myself, too. So here are a few things about me/going on in my life. 

#1 I always knew time went by fast but it's going by faster than I expected. It just keeps going by faster and faster with time (and that doesn't even make since but everyone knows exactly what I'm talking about!) In less than 6 months I'll be 27 and that's pretty much 30! And Everett is almost as big as me already. 

There are only 24 short inches that separate us. 

#2 My heart almost explodes every single day with the amount of love I have for my children. I always figured I'd have kids (and love them) but I wasn't aware of how much of a physical feeling a mother's love can be. Sometimes it almost hurts. And then sometimes it does hurt!

One of the bishop's sons got up in church today to bare his testimony and you could see the same physical feeling I'm talking about come across the bishops face. Jake talks about it too. 

#3 I like taking pictures with my children in Brecklyn's closet mirror!

#4 My hair is soooooo long. It's never been this long. It's hot. It's a pain. It's messy and sweaty and I want to cut it but then I know I'll regret it in one way or another so I just deal with it. Maybe I'll cut it just a little...

#5 I can't stop being amazed with the human body. (Have I said that enough?!) Just the miracle of growing a baby could occupy my thoughts for days. After the miracle of conception, my body made a human being and all I really had to do was feed it and take it easy. That's it. My body did the rest. 

I'm also amazed at the body's self-healing mechanism. You cut your finger and your body fixes it. It's just so cool to me. 

The only thing that's not cool to me is my skin's inability to shrink back. When I lay on the floor and pinch the skin around my belly button I can pull it out 4 inches! It's so wrinkly and nasty. It's quite embarrassing. It was really loose after Everett but after Brecklyn it has no hope! But it hasn't even been 3 months yet so maybe there is a little hope. 

6 and 12 weeks post Brecklyn

 #6 I really enjoy exercise. I know that some people don't like it and even hate it but I love it. 12 weeks ago I could do 3 push ups (the real nose-to-floor kind) and now I can do 10. Jake and I have been doing the Insanity workout videos for 6 weeks and I love it. They're just like the bootcamp classes I used to go to in WA. I love having sore muscles and watching my body change. I love feeling like there is hot sauce flowing through my veins when I'm holding a 5 minute squat!

#7 I have to force myself to sit on the couch and hold Brecklyn for at least an hour while Everett is napping. Not that I don't like holding her or spending time with her (because I LOVE it and it is such a luxury) but I'm so wired to always want to "accomplish" something and the only time I can do that is when Everett is sleeping. But Brecklyn is so much more important than anything else I could do during that hour and it's nice to just hang out with my little sweetheart. 

#8 I've always been very interested in health and wellness but I've recently watched several documentaries that have amplified that interest. Which has resulted in many trips to the library for books and more information on the subject. It's turning into a small passion so I'm positive I'll write more about it soon. 

#9 When we lived in WA I knew that I suffered from seasonal depression. I knew it, Jake knew it, my family knew it, my blog posts knew it... but what I didn't know (and wasn't ready for) was the pregnancy depression. I'm sure it has a real name. Whatever it's called, I had it bad. Many women suffer from postpartum depression but I had it while I was pregnant. It got so bad that I actually didn't even want the baby, I just didn't want to be pregnant anymore. It was really bad. 

Maybe it's just the way my body carries a baby but I look and feel 9 months pregnant for the last 15 weeks. I was so huge, uncomfortable, tired, miserable, and so very desperate to get her out. Once she was born and my body and hormones recovered, I felt amazing. Amazing. For the first time in 6 years I don't feel depressed.

#10 The most important thing about me; my testimony. I know that God knows me. And that I am his daughter. 
I know it. 


  1. Is it weird to have people reading your journal? I never kept one because I felt weird writing to myself but I love having a blog because it makes me feel normal since technically I'm writing to people. Have you printed any of your blogs on blurb? Maybe it will be satisfying seeing it in a book (and I've heard sometimes blogs can disappear out of nowhere so it's nice to have a hard copy. Also, I know how you feel about your hair! I just cut mine last week but kept it long, its just even on the bottom. Do you see how it is lighter and thins out on the bottom? That's how mine was and she said it means it is damaged there and it will keep splitting up your hair unless you trim it so maybe just get a trim? It will grow back in a few months anyway :) P.S. Brecklyn looks huge! They grow so quickly :/

  2. What a fun post. I like you:-)