Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Please Answer Me

Dear Body,

We need to have a little chat.

You've been great and you still are great but I have a few questions I'd like to ask you.

Why do you stink? More specifically, why do you smell SO bad?

When we were creating a beautiful little baby not that long ago you didn't stink at all. We could go two (and sometimes three days... GASP!!) without showering and we wouldn't even kind-of stink... now I can barely get to the afternoon without wondering where that nasty smell is coming from. And then I realize... it's us.


And double pew after we work out.

So now that we have the stink thing to deal with I was wondering why we're all of a sudden a zit factory too.

Like I said before, I could shower you three or four times a week (now that just sounds nasty!) and still smell like roses and have clear, clear skin.

What's up with that?

One more question, why does it look like I've bathed in olive oil every evening before bed?

Seriously, you could tone it down a little. Give the sweat and oil glands a little break, will ya!

Now we're a stinky, oil and zit-producing duo and I shower all of the time (usually with a crying baby and a little boy banging on the door). I have to change my shirt by noon and use an entire paper towel to blot the oil before going outside so I don't blind someone with the shine.

See why this isn't working for me?

Please get your stinkiness under control and PLEASE stop with the zits and unnecessary shine. I'm not a teenager anymore.

And it would be nice to not smell like garbage.

Thanks so much,