Wednesday, July 17, 2013

So This Is Life

Right now I am buried under a huge pile of forwarded mail and a to do list that stretches on for miles.

I seriously can't find the time or energy to even kind-of get anything done on top of regular things to do... actually I can't even get regular things done.

I've had a pretty weird week. And it's only Wednesday.

I've been dealing with chronic hip pain for a long time. Since we had a baby this calendar year and met our deductible I figured I'd try a second round of intense chiropractic therapy. I go three times a week and the appointments are 75 minutes. It's a huge commitment with two little ones. Luckily they play movies in the lobby so Everett is generally happy to go.

I signed up for the gym so that I could have an hour or so everyday to myself.... instead of trying to workout with a crying baby and a little boy who would rather me do anything but work out. So that's nice but takes up a decent chunk of time.

I've been working on getting Everett signed up for preschool. Trying to find the right combo in a preschool is pretty tough. Finding the right teacher/program/cost/location/days/time etc is time consuming.

I'm also working on getting Everett signed up for his speech therapy school since we just moved and are in a completely different county and school district. (Can you say paperwork!)

I'm still trying to change addresses, utilities, internet etc for our new house too. Everyone wants a million dollar deposit and it's so frustrating + the cost of moving in general makes me feel like we've been robbed.

Everett's room is pink, bright pink, and orange stripes.... picking out a new paint color has proven to be a HUGE challenge. I have a lot of talents but picking paint colors is not one of them.

Everett is at the age where he doesn't want/need to take a nap anymore which is great unless we go somewhere in the afternoon so sometimes he'll fall asleep in the car. If that happens he won't go to bed until 10 or 11 but still wakes up at 5 the next morning and then it's SUPER hard to keep him awake AND happy until 6 or 7 that night to get him back on track.

Brecklyn still wakes up twice at night and is having weird eating issues. Plus we're constantly trying new ways to relieve her chronic constipation. Water, apple juice, prune juice, dark Karo syrup, MiraLax, suppositories...

I'm struggling to keep my life under control. There is always so much on my mind.


Last Friday I had check-ups for both of our kids. I really like this pediatrician. But he's the 4th one Everett has seen and the 3rd one Brecklyn has seen. So explaining their histories wasn't very easy... especially Everett's.

He was VERY concerned with Everett's speech. I knew he would be, because I am too. I told him about everything I've done and all of the people we've seen and how many tests have been done... he was dissatisfied with the outcome and determined that more testing needs to be done.

So I went home concerned. Like usual.

Here goes round 3 of testing. And I can only assume that the third round will be the most intense and comprehensive.

At first I was mad. One, because both kids weren't cooperating at all during the appointment and two, because I've thought for almost two years now that Everett might need some form of therapy (or special attention) and every time I get him tested they always say he's fine.

So I was mad.

Then I cried. A good eye-puffing, face-swelling cry.

By Saturday I was almost relieved because Everett and I might finally get the help that we need (and have been searching for).

Sunday night I looked online at some of the signs of different developmental delays. Then the cycle repeated itself except we haven't gotten to the relief part yet. I've done this too many times to count.

I've gone through so much with Everett. Sometimes I look through pictures and blogposts and it brings back negative feelings. I struggle to find the motivation to go through those stages and ages again. But Breckie is a whole new baby so who knows.

Sometimes when I talk to people about my struggles with Everett they say something like 'just be glad he's not _____ or he doesn't have ______...' but his is my kid and this is what I'm dealing with and I am having a hard time with it. I'm not comparing Everett or my life to anyone else's (and I don't want to) but sometimes I need validation that this is hard too.

I honestly feel over-worked, over-tired, overly concerned, and I am just so exhausted. It is so hard to take care of a child. Even harder to take care of two, think about two, be concerned for two, AND take care of yourself.

(At this point I feel like if anyone said to me "you only have/had two?" I would punch them. In the face.  As hard as I could. But really, I would smile, and say yes and then go home and cry for two days about it.)

And plus, babies are only babies once so I'm trying my absolute hardest to enjoy every possible moment of Brecklyn's infancy before it's gone.

I feel like I've met my limit.

I need a vacation but we all know that it would actually make things worse. I'd have even more to do and feel like we've been double robbed by the time I get back.

So this is life.

And the sprinklers are broken and the toilets won't stop running. Oh, and it's like 8 million degrees out.


  1. I think you need to come to Eagar where it is cool and where I could watch your babies and you could sleep for 2 days--and I am not kidding!

  2. Oh Tyrell! 2 kids is SO MUCH WORK!!!! And stress! And exhaustion!!!

  3. One thing I've learned, is every problem is relative... meaning no matter what someone else goes through, it doesn't mean our own problems aren't, or shouldn't be difficult. Because life is hard. We can't expect ourselves to feel better just because someone else might be going through something "harder," doesn't make our problems any "easier." I totally and 100% feel for you. It doesn't matter if you have 2 kids, or 4 kids, you are still consumed with wanting to help them, make life good, and trying to take care of yourself. You still work just as hard at trying to be a good Mom. Sending lots and lots of love your way :) And if it makes you feel any better at all... your kids are the aaaaaaabsolutely ADORABLE! And I think you are doing a FANTASTIC job of raising them :)

  4. Wouldn't it be awesome if we could really punch people when they say stupid things? At the end of my pregnancy with Livvy I had to have weekly nonstress tests and I had to lie flat on my back, which caused intense back pain, feeling nauseous and hungry for like an hour. During one of these tests when the back pain was the worst Kim kardashian was on tv just announcing her pregnancy. She was like barely twelve weeks and not showing at all. When the reporter asked her if she had morning sickness she said "no I haven't really." But then she went on to say "I just can't believe how hard it is to be pregnant." I have never wanted to punch anyone so badly. Good thing I had nothing to throw at the tv. And then when she got really big later on I was pretty happy.

  5. And also your kids look pretty happy to me. And that shows what a good job you're doing! Even when you feel like crap :)

  6. Have you tried pear juice diluted half with water? It's next to the Gerber Apple Juice. It works wonders on little ones (and big ones)... :)