Sunday, August 18, 2013

Your Late Anniversary Card

Dear Jake,

You probably fell out of love with me today. 

I let you sleep in for 3 hours after the kids woke up. 
I did yesterday's dishes. 
I fed Everett breakfast. Twice.
I read him scriptures. 
I fed Breckie a bottle.
Then I made her some green beans and tried to feed her those. 
I made super healthy muffins. 
I cleaned the kitchen. Again. 
I bathed Everett. 
And then Brecklyn.
I got them dressed for church. 

And then you woke up and casually strolled down the stairs, thank me for letting you sleep in, and then asked what kind of muffins I made. 

But you were greeted with an angry woman. Your wife. Who actually said "you're not welcome yet" (when you thanked her for letting you sleep in). 

Wow. She's mean. 

This is the same wife that is THE. WORST! backseat driver you've ever known. Probably the worst the world's ever known.... and you just joke that you're going to blind-fold her on the next car ride. 

Well, anyways... I was kind-of mad and it was showing. I didn't necessarily say or do anything mean because my body language was displaying my feeling for me. 

You kept falling asleep in church and I was really mad. I let you sleep in for SO LONG!! and you still fall asleep in church? I had to wake you up when the bread was passed around and then when the water was passed around too. 

In Sunday school you were falling asleep and head bobbing WHILE you were holding our baby. I asked you if you wanted to go home and nap because I was so mad. 

You knew I was mad. You always know. 

Then in Relief Society we had a lesson basically about being nice and charitable and forgiving and all the things I'm not (to you anyways). 

We talked a lot about being nice to your spouse and why it's important to never talk bad about your spouse in front of the kids. I feel like I would never do that. (But I've done things I said I never would do.... so I made a mental note to really never do this. So far so good.)

One girl (about my age) told us how when she was newly married (not that long ago) her mom read her  an article called The Grapefruit Syndrome (which completely sums up our marriage).

The Grapefruit Syndrome LOLA B. WALTERS

My husband and I had been married about two years—just long enough for me to realize that he was a normal man rather than a knight on a white charger—when I read a magazine article recommending that married couples schedule regular talks to discuss, truthfully and candidly, the habits or mannerisms they find annoying in each other. The theory was that if the partners knew of such annoyances, they could correct them before resentful feelings developed.

It made sense to me. I talked with my husband about the idea. After some hesitation, he agreed to give it a try.

As I recall, we were to name five things we found annoying, and I started off. After more than 50 years, I remember only my first complaint: grapefruit. I told him that I didn’t like the way he ate grapefruit. He peeled it and ate it like an orange! Nobody else I knew ate grapefruit like that. Could a girl be expected to spend a lifetime, and even eternity, watching her husband eat grapefruit like an orange? Although I have forgotten them, I’m sure the rest of my complaints were similar.

After I finished, it was his turn to tell the things he disliked about me. Though it has been more than half a century, I still carry a mental image of my husband’s handsome young face as he gathered his brows together in a thoughtful, puzzled frown and then looked at me with his large blue-gray eyes and said, “Well, to tell the truth, I can’t think of anything I don’t like about you, Honey.”

I quickly turned my back, because I didn’t know how to explain the tears that had filled my eyes and were running down my face. I had found fault with him over such trivial things as the way he ate grapefruit, while he hadn’t even noticed any of my peculiar, and no doubt annoying, ways.
I wish I could say that this experience completely cured me of fault finding. It didn’t. But it did make me aware early in my marriage that husbands and wives need to keep in perspective, and usually ignore, the small differences in their habits and personalities. Whenever I hear of married couples being incompatible, I always wonder if they are suffering from what I now call the Grapefruit Syndrome.

Sometimes after I've been mad at you or you straight up tell me that I'm being mean and I reflect on how I've been acting I actually feel bad for you

You are EXACTLY like the young, handsome husband in the article. 

I'm mean to you and you are nothing but kind and loving back. You don't deserve the way I treat you sometimes. 

SOOOOO... we came home from church and you offered to let me nap. But I can't nap (you know this) so I opt to hide upstairs and read. But it isn't long before you are feeding Brecklyn and Everett needs to pee RIGHT NOW and you ask for my help. 

But since I'm the worst wife, I remind you that 'I'm napping'. But you respond by explaining that you are feeding Brecklyn and you can't take Everett pee. 

So I say... and I quote: "welcome to my life." I feed a baby while helping a kid pee while cooking dinner everyday...

After that I went downstairs to the mess you left from making yourself lunch and I was mad because I JUST cleaned the kitchen. You probably knew I was going to be mad because you told me to ignore the mess and that you'd clean it later. 


So I made myself lunch and while I was sitting there eating it I look over and see this funny card you picked out for our anniversary just last Saturday. 8 days ago. 

Then I sat there. 


I am a terrible wife. 
You deserve better.
And you got ME an anniversary card?
I didn't get you one. 
I suck.

I was all mad this morning because I'm super-awesome mom while you just get to sleep in and then sleep through church (and not even feel guilty about it) and I feel like I take care of 90% of anything that goes on at home... basically feeling like I do everything

But seeing your anniversary card to me on the counter and seeing an empty space next to it where your card ISN'T I was humbled because:

I wouldn't have a home to do everything in if it wasn't for you.
I let you sleep in because you've gotten up once or twice to feed Brecks EVERY NIGHT that we've lived in this house because you know that once I wake up and get out of bed that I can't fall back asleep.
And you never make me feel bad about that. 
You work so hard everyday to make money so that I CAN buy the groceries.
I wouldn't be able to make those tasty muffins if you didn't work so hard for us to afford life. 
You have NEVER told me a single thing that annoys you about me. 
You are an amazing father. 
You make me laugh.
You deal with me. 
All forms of me. Mean me. Happy me. Crazy me. Weird me. Awesome me. 

You are so patient, loving, and kind to me and you deserve a patient, loving, and kind spouse. 

So, I'm sorry for being mean to you today. And any other day I've been mean. And for all of the days I will be mean (because I'm not as good as you yet).

Also, I didn't get you an anniversary gift. 

So here it is: I promise to be pleasant in the car at all times. I WILL NOT be a backseat driver in any way for an entire week. Promise. 

(I am a firm believer in baby step. One thing at a time :) 

I love you. 
Thank you for marrying me. 
I whole-heartedly believe that you are my better half. 

Happy Anniversary


  1. Lol the same thing happened to me today... Nate slept in and slept at church... But he's been getting up earlier then me all week so I was okay with it. Don't beat yourself up. I bet most women are like this because we are overly tired and stressed and have raging hormones. Guys take a lot from us wives. I can do better too.

  2. I too suffer from the Grapefruit syndrome and I too have a spouse that is so much kinder to me. Thanks for giving me some perspective to start my week. Hopefully I will be better for at least this week. Thanks for sharing.

  3. This was very sweet even though its about you being mean :) I'm mean alot too. And sometimes I feel bad. . . Then sometimes I don't. You and jake are just as cute together as you were seven years ago!

  4. Awww this is such an inspiring message. This hits me. There are times that I am mean on my partner too, but he keeps loving me still. Such a beautiful card.

    Cheers and congratulations!
    Rasmi xxxx
    Wedding anniversary cards