Thursday, January 9, 2014

A Little Harder Than Normal… That's All

Man, oh man. 

So the other day I mentioned that I've been doing some family history and one night I came across a birth record and my grandma's parents were the parents. It was the birth record for a girl named Shirly Lee Whitacre born 12 years before my grandma. 

My grandma only grew up with a brother.

Then I realized that the birth and death date were the same day so she was still born.

I called my mom the next day to ask her about it and she said that grandma remembers her mom telling her that she had 6 babies before her brother and her but that they all died. I guess grandma said that her mom mentioned that they were boys so she didn't even know that one was a girl or that she had a name. 

I can't imagine having 6 babies all die before I could raise one. 

Grandma said that my great-grandmother was a very strong lady and that her mom passed away when she was only 18 so she even helped raise her younger sister… who was deaf. From a distance it kind-of seems like a life full of heartbreak. (And then after she passed away from stomach cancer in her 60's, her husband (a Dr.) re-married… his nurse whom he'd been having an affair with). 

Breckie has been sick all week and it's been kind-of a nightmare for me. She was sick for about 15 days at the beginning of December and then she caught something else. I'm pretty sure the baby sitter brought it over because she told me that her little brother was really sick… after she babysat for us. Awesome. 

I don't know, but for me, when my kids are sick and super whiny and won't sleep and barely eat and just want to be carried all day and pull my hair and make my back hurt and cry and hit my face… I don't find any joy in it. At all. I just want to throw myself down the stairs.  

But in the back of my mind I think of all the women that have lost children or babies or just can't have them or have lives full of heartbreak or have bad husbands… or no husband at all… and I try to be happy. 

But for the most part I just became a miserable mess thinking about how my life is hard right now AND how other women's lives are hard just in different ways. And you know what, Breckie isn't sick like in a hospital hooked up to machines or anything… just puking and pooping and being miserable… and bring me on for the ride. 

I should be grateful that my life isn't any harder AND I AM!!!!!! but it's just a little harder than normal right now and it makes me a little stressed/crazy/sad/depressed but very grateful for the easier times. 

(BEST picture of the bunch!!)

I guess life is all about the ups and downs and learning how to be happy even in the down times. I'm working on it. I think we all are. 

I mean look at these two.

My life is great!

(It'll be better when Breckie is healthy though :)

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