Sunday, April 27, 2014

Worst Enemy

Breckie had a bad bad bad bad week… which means I did too.


She had the pukes ALL week and couldn't eat or drink anything. She had a fever all week and there was nothing we could do because it was a virus going around. She cried and screamed A LOT and I held her A LOT and did everything in my power to help her feel better and I wished I could fast forward time to when she was better every second of every day. 



She was so exhausted that she watched her first movie, lost her leg rolls, took a few long naps, went on at least 5 stroller rides a day, made me so frustrated that I wanted to throw myself down the stairs… 



The day she stopped puking she got sores in the back of her throat and had lots of sharp pains in her stomach. She was miserable and would twist and scream for hours… once again, it was a virus and aftermath of so much puking and there was nothing we could do about it. 

I honestly don't know how I survived… much less Breckie.

I was so frustrated and I thought lots and lots of unkind words and my heart was heavy and I was so angry so one day, when she was napping, I beat the crap out of Jake's punching bag.  


It helped… until the moment she woke up and starting screaming again. By Saturday evening I couldn't take it anymore. So I went on a bike ride. 

Alone. 

I cried lots of tears and wondered why Heaven wasn't helping. I was starting to have physical symptoms of so much stress from having a really sick baby all week. Today, finally, she seems better. 

I honestly don't know how any parent deals with anything worse than this. And this was only back to back viruses…. there are so many things worse. 

I wouldn't wish last week on my worst enemy. 

2 comments:

  1. I wish you still loved here- I had the worst day today and I cried all day and wanted to run away...... I needed someone to run away with me

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  2. I wanted to say that you are incredibly brave. The blogosphere is full of people who pretend their lives are perfect, and that they are perfect parents, when they aren't. Please know, parenting will continue to be hard, but you will only get better.

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