Monday, May 12, 2014

Anxiety… and Motherhood

Being a mom brings out the absolute best and absolute worst in me. 

It stretches me to my limits… and then a little more. 

For a few weeks I was really struggling. It was right around the time Breckie was sick for like 10 days. I asked Jake to make an appointment for me to see the doctor.

That was the best thing Jake ever did for me! 

I've only seen one doctor here and that is my obgyn. He delivered Breckie and I just love the man so much. So Jake made my appointment with him. 

I almost cried just seeing his face again. 

We talked for a loooooong time. We talked about a lot of stuff and he said that he thinks I'm struggling with anxiety. 

After reading a lot about it, I couldn't agree with him more. (Plus, I'm a little bit of a perfectionist which doesn't help!)

My doctor gave me a book to read and asked me to do a few things… like focusing on myself more, writing down 5 things that describe me (and they can't be my children's names), scheduling a date night with Jake and figuring out what makes me joyful. Not happy… JOYFUL. I've been thinking about this all week. I can think of hundreds of things that make me happy and content but joyful is kind-of a loaded word. 

Maybe I've been too anxious for long enough to forget what makes me joyful??

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my children and their needs and all the things I think I should be doing that I break down.  All I know is that I have some really great people in my life that truly care about me and help bring out the best in me.

I've learned that focusing on myself is a good thing (it's NOT selfish. It's essential for me, my children, and my marriage) and I've re-evaluated the 'expectations' I set for myself.

I never wrote about it, but my New Year's resolution this year was to "do less and BE more"

I think it's working.  One conversation, one doctor appointment, and one date night at a time. 

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